In June of this past year, I was lucky enough to be sent to Orlando on a business trip. In my free time there, I chose to visit one of the many amusement parks in the area. Roller coasters aren’t really my thing, and it was actually my colleague’s idea, but I went along. As we were exiting one of the nausea-inducing experiences referred to as an amusement park ride, we walked through one of the many on-site stores. This store was full of merchandise, everything from stuffed animals to t-shirts to Christmas ornaments. There were so many items, it was hard to pick any of them out...except for one. As I was walking past a stand with baseball hats, I was stopped in my tracks. Sitting there on the stand was a hat that read “Cute But Psycho”. It was a trucker-style hat with a pink brim, obviously meant for a girl or young woman to wear. And probably meant as a joke. Not surprisingly, I took issue with it (and stopped to take a picture, for evidence!).

When it comes to the way we label people, there are so many words commonly used by society, it’s hard to keep track! Included in the list are: crazy, nuts, wacko, looney, a few fries short of a Happy Meal, off the wall, and, of course, psycho, just to name a few. I fully admit guilt in using these words. And it is something that I try to check myself on. I know that if I ever use these words, it has absolutely nothing to do with a person possibly having a mental health diagnosis. And I would never use any of these words to refer to someone with a mental health diagnosis. Instead, I tend to use these words to describe a person’s behavior when it is odd to me, or to express confusion at a situation or set of circumstances. Am I making excuses? Maybe. Am I making distinctions? Yes. The problem is not necessarily in using these words. The problem is in what these words have come to mean in our society. If we take a person who does not have a mental health diagnosis, but maybe has unusual social skills, is inappropriate in public, or acts in ways that others think are weird, or don’t understand, we will often label that person as “crazy” or “nuts”. Both of these are words that have become tied to mental illness in our society. And so what happens is, those who don’t know about or understand mental illness, come to believe that people with a mental illness would act in these ways—ways that are “crazy” or “nuts” to others.

So, if somebody has the belief that people with a mental health challenge are “psycho”, in the way that society casually uses the term, then this hat would suggest that if a person is “cute” but has a mental illness, then they are someone that others should stay away from. In other words, don't be fooled by this person’s cute appearance, they are actually “psycho” underneath. Even worse, it implies that a person with a mental health challenge is somehow not-dateable, which is not only sad but simply false. Now, I am sure that we have all had an experience where somebody’s behavior or personality simply did not mesh with ours (to put it nicely). And I am sure that in that moment we thought to ourselves something like, “oh, that person is just crazy!” without giving any thought to their mental health status. But because these casual terms have become so intertwined with societal ideas about mental illness and those who deal with a mental health challenge, we perpetuate falsehoods about mental health every time we use one of these words.

So I call on all of us, including me, to check ourselves when we use these words. Despite the meaning we intend, we have to understand that other meanings may be inferred. Words have power, let’s be responsible for our own.

To Mary Ellen Copeland, author of The Loneliness Workbook, loneliness is a human condition where one can feel disconnected. My definition of loneliness is when a person feels lonely because they have no bonds to other people. To me loneliness is when you feel uncomfortable being alone. To me loneliness is when you lack companionship.

What does loneliness feel like to you?
While doing research for her book, Mary Ellen Copeland found that being lovingly supported and supporting others are powerful contributors to our social, psychological, spiritual, and even physical well being. She found that people who had a strong connection with, and support from others were able to recover and have ongoing health.

The key to connecting well with others is to make connections with people who have something in common with you. Relationships should be mutual, meaning that the other person is there for you as much as you are for them. One-sided relationships don’t last long. The strain of dealing with a person is overly dependent on others, usually cause relationships to fail due to burn out.

Remember! There is hope for people who feel lonely. Mary Ellen Copeland interviewed many that went from loneliness to having strong, mutual friendships. They changed their lives by shaping their experiences to match the life they wanted to live.

If you are experiencing loneliness, here are a few tips that can help you defeat loneliness in your life. First, commit yourself to improving your life. Join a support group. Start attending new, interesting things in your community. Whenever possible begin counseling with a peer a few times each week. Peer counselors meet with you, to listen and share similar experiences with you which can be very encouraging. Call a friend; go out to dinner; go to a movie; reach out to help someone else who needs a friend. Sing. Dance. Watch a funny video. Recall some funny jokes and the people who told them to you! Practice laughing aloud. Leaf through a book of cartoons. Meditate or pray. Keep busy; release your emotions; write a letter; send a card or e-mail. Write in your journal; Finish a task and be happy you did it; exercise; give yourself a massage; read; do something creative; focus your attention on self esteem; begin enjoying your time alone.

Finding someone to love is not always the answer to loneliness. The best solution is learning to love yourself!
*Mary Ellen Copeland, PhD, is an author, educator, and mental health advocate. Copeland’s work is based on the study of the day-to-day coping and wellness strategies of people who have experienced mental health challenges. It centers on self-help, recovery, and long-term stability. Personally, Copeland has experienced years of mental health challenges and has achieved long-term wellness and stability using these strategies.

Sherri is a Consumer Education Specialist for the Oakland County Community
Mental Health Authority. 
   She can be reached by email, rushmans@occmha.org or by phone, 248-975-9531. 
Be a Hope Receiver Today to be a Hope Giver Tomorrow!
www.catchinghope.com.

December 2010

The CNS Anti-Stigma Program had another whirlwind month this month. We presented to several human service agencies, as well as the students and faculty members of local high schools and colleges.

We were asked to repeat our presentation from last year on “Stress and Mental Health Issues” for the staff of Oakland Livingston Human Service Agency at their annual Employee Retreat. The sessions were very well attended and participants spoke highly about the workshop content and the presenters. OLHSA also co-sponsored a community resource fair along with St. Joseph Mercy-Oakland. We provided information about a vast number of mental health related topics. Many benefited from the materials that we were able to supply.

The team also participated in a exceptional event sponsored by the Grace Centers of Hope, located in Pontiac, Michigan. They hosted over 200 people at “Sleep Out Against Homelessness”, an all-night event held outside on a very cold November night. Many people huddled through the night on pallets inside shelters constructed of cardboard to simulate what homelessness is like. The CNS Anti-Stigma Program, along with Common Ground, Easter Seals, H.A.V.E.N. and Abigayle Ministries, provided participants with accounts of what life may be life for those dealing with challenges such as substance use disorders, mental health challenges, or surviving domestic abuse. The audience expressed appreciation to the agencies for sharing with them in such a unique way. I venture to say that the attitudes of many were permanently changed by this experience.

Also the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance of Metro Detroit sponsored a Mini Conference featuring a panel discussion comprised of people sharing their experiences living with Bipolar Disorder. The panel members included Sue Santel-Fenner, Michael Weinberger, Kristen Famiano, and I, with Jackie Sullen serving as the moderator. Over 87 people attended and a great time was had by all. I hope that this is one of many excellent panels sponsored by this great organization in the future.

To book a presentation or for more information please call or e-mail:
248-409-4227
mmaisha@cnsmi.org

As our days have grown shorter the darkness falls earlier we find ourselves swept up in the hustle and bustle of yet another holiday season.

Holidays can be summarized as a time of celebration—meant for enjoying family, food, and fun. When experiencing symptoms of depression, or any mental health challenge, it is easy to feel out of place in the middle of all of this joy. While symptoms are not a choice we must remember we always have choices in how to cope! In spite of feeling powerless and isolated it is possible to find hope and happiness as a person in Recovery at any time of year.
Often I have experienced loneliness like that described in Sherri’s article. Those feelings of being disconnected and isolated can leave us stuck in a “Holidaze”…if we let them!

It’s undeniable, there are the multitude of stressors that can grab a hold of us at this time of year. Let’s be honest, we are bombarded with so many ideas and images of how holidays are supposed to look and feel; commercials on television that depict happy families together at the dinner table, movies and music tell heart-warming tales of love and holiday magic. Loneliness can be a major enemy to our Recovery, especially with all of this emphasis on family. It is tough to break free from the belief that we need a family to belong to in order to be happy. With so much going on, life can sometimes end up feeling less enjoyable in this season of joy! As someone who has had personal experience with this myth, I hope to provide encouragement to those who may be experiencing the same feelings.

If you are facing similar challenges check out this month’s article “Defeating Loneliness” by Sherri Rushman. Below are some additional suggestions (provided by Mental Health America) on how to cope.

You are cordially invited to exercise choice in Recovery, try one of the ideas below to break the curse of the “Holidaze”:

Keep expectations for the holiday season manageable. Try to set realistic goals for yourself. Pace yourself. Organize your time. Make a list and prioritize important activities.
Be realistic about what you can and cannot do. Don’t put the entire focus on just one day (i.e., Thanksgiving Day). Remember that it’s a season of holiday sentiment, and activities can be spread out to lessen stress and increase enjoyment.

Remember the holiday season does not banish reasons for feeling sad or lonely; there is room for these feelings to be present, even if the person chooses not to express them.

Leave “yesteryear” in the past and look toward the future. Life brings changes. Each season is different and can be enjoyed in its own way. Don’t set yourself up by comparing today with the “good ol’ days.”
Do something for someone else. Try volunteering some of your time to help others.
Enjoy activities that are free, such as taking a drive to look at holiday decorations, going window shopping or making a snowperson with children.

Be aware that excessive drinking will only increase your feelings of depression.
Try something new. Celebrate the holidays in a new way.

Spend time with supportive and caring people. Reach out and make new friends, or contact someone you haven’t heard from in a while.

Save time for yourself! Recharge your batteries! Let others share in the responsibility of planning activities.