Mike Moriarty has big expectations for the new year. "My goal is to fit into these pants better." Mike Moriarty said he usually breaks his new year's resolutions in about three hours. Moriarty isn't the only one who has a tough time sticking with a resolution. Clinical psychologist Mark Crawford from Atlanta, Georgia, said almost everyone has something he or she would like to change or improve, but succeeding is another story. "The first of the year gives everyone a fresh start or a clean slate. That's what everyone feels good about: 'I can just start new with no failure and go from here.' "

Some people sabotage themselves by picking unrealistic goals, Crawford said. "They set themselves up by setting resolutions they really don't think they're going to keep," he said. "I would encourage people to not make resolutions if you don't think you're going to keep them, because what that does is it sets you up for failure in the future."

"You will make a mistake," he said. "You will have slips, it is part of it." He offered four tips for succeeding. First: Be specific about your goal. "For example, saying that you want to lose weight is way too general. You should say, 'I want to lose 10 pounds this year,' " Crawford said. Second: Set a realistic goal. "Very few people are going to lose 50 pounds in a year," he said. "But losing 5 to 10 pounds is a goal everyone can reach." Third: Establish a set of steps to help you reach your goal. "You want to add things like, 'I'm going to exercise three times a week and I'm going to eat smaller portions.' Finally, Crawford recommended setting a specific time frame.

"Very few people can stay with a goal for an entire year," he said. "I would say set a goal for about two weeks. Stop to see how you're doing. Pat yourself on the back if you're doing well," he said. "And if you're not, figure out why so that you can revise your plan." He said you'll know if you're succeeding if you can stick it out for four to six weeks. "Make it to Valentine's Day, and your chance of continuing is much better," Crawford said.

Source: CNN Online

From the time we are born, we are taught what it means to be a boy or be a girl. Often times, being a girl means being sweet and pretty, helpful and connected to people. Being a boy, however, is usually associated with being strong and tough, independent and fearless. Unfortunately, as we grow up, we find that we can’t always stay within these expectations. Sometimes girls get angry, sometimes boys need to ask for help, and sometimes as people we feel the tear between how we’re expected to be and what we actually need.

These gendered expectations show themselves in many ways, from how we interact in friendships and relationship, to how we handle stress, relate to our families, and progress at work. What we don’t realize, however, is how these expectations affect our own mental health. Gender roles affect our mental health in two ways. Firstly, often how we are expected to act based on our sex does not go hand-in-hand with how we are feeling. As well, the stress of having to stay within these expectations to avoid the shame involved in stepping out of them can wear on us and affect our mood and health. This is seen most strikingly when talking about men and depression.

Depression and what we’re taught about masculinity seem to be opposites of each other. We are taught that masculinity is about strength, independence, fearlessness, success and providing for others. As well, part of masculinity is an absence of the things we see as feminine, such as fear, sadness, and needing help. Boys are taught starting at the age of three what it means to “be a man.” Along with being taught how to be a man, they learn that failure to do so will result in shame, one of the most hurtful and powerful emotions we feel. Therefore, it is very important for boys to stay in the box of their expectations.

When a man, then, starts to experience depression, he not only knows that as a man he “shouldn’t” be having these feelings, but that as a man he should gut it out and ignore it, because asking for help would imply weakness. As a result, often times depression looks very different in men. It can show itself as an increase in substance use, a distancing from friends and family, or an increase in violent behavior.

The stigma associated with mental illness, along with the shame of stepping outside of gender roles and needing or asking for help, feeling sadness, or being unable to provide for others can be very difficult to handle. We can help by making it OK for men to talk about their feelings, encouraging them to get help, and recognizing that real human strength isn’t the ability to “gut it out,” but instead is the ability to ask for help. In doing this, we can not only help lessen the stigma of depression, but also make our world a safer place for people to be themselves.

The Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance Metro Detroit (DBSA) presents Monthly “Fourth Monday Mixers” for your Enjoyment and Education Mark your calendar on the 4th Monday of every month as a time to join your DBSA friends and enjoy an evening of education, an opportunity to socialize with others, and grab a bite to eat. Funding for the Fourth Monday Mixers are provided by a grant from Oakland County Community Mental Health Authority.

Where: William Beaumont Hospital, 3601 W. Thirteen Mile Rd. Royal Oak, MI 48073 in the three-story Administration Building, Lower Level, Classroom 1. For specific directions and parking information call Beaumont at: 248 898-5000.

When: 7:00pm refreshments will be served. The presentation will start promptly at 7:30pm. The time between 7:00pm & 7:30pm is the perfect time to talk to others and meet new people. Please come and enjoy our program every month.
All “Fourth Monday Mixers” are open to the public and are free. For more information call Sue at: 313 884-0538.

Monday January 26, 2009 7:00pm
Unipolar Depression & Bipolar Disorder Spectrum. Susan L. Anderson, M.D. Dr. Susan Anderson will discuss the different types of depression and bipolar disorders. 

Monday February 23, 2009 7:00pm
Peter A. Pascaris, Author of Desert Lily. Mr. Pascaris is an award-winning local author who was a teacher for 33 years and a Howell City Council member for 8 years. This Mixer will be especially helpful to family members, as well as persons diagnosed with a mood disorder.

Monday March 23, 2009 7:00pm
Presentation by the Social Security Administration. Mr. O’Brien Robertson, AWIC, who works for Social Security, will address many topics about to Social Security benefits.

Monday April 27, 2009 7:00 PM
Meditation and the Breath. Claudette R. Bond, owner of Yoga with Claudette, LLC in Detroit, will discuss the benefits of meditation on different aspects of our lives including stress management.

Monday June 22, 2009 7:00 PM
Anxiety Disorders. K. C. Lazzara, PhD, Licensed Psychologist and Certified School Psychologist is in private practice in Rochester Hills, Horsepower Psychological Services, PLC. He will talk about the different types of anxiety disorders, treatment for anxiety disorders and give us different ways to cope with anxiety.